It is official, all my kids are in school. I have about three hours in the morning that I am home alone. Today is day two. It feels a little weird being home without anyone else in the house. I am honestly not sure if that has happened more than a handful of times. I feel a little lost.
Now being home isn’t bringing up old memories, they are coming from watching my middle child walking up to school in the mornings. She looks so much like me so watching her reminds me of a little me. She has that same shy walk and look. She is all cheerful when she gets out of the car, but once she starts walking towards the school, she looks unsure and nervous. That is when the flood of feelings come back. I remember feeling so unsure and nervous when going to school. I was shy and still am. I was always uncomfortable and felt out of place. I worry that she is going to be like that. She is so shy and seems to be a loner. She seems to make friends, but hardly talks to anyone. She is always so quiet. It really does take me back to my childhood. I loved learning and going to school. But I always felt like I didn’t have many friends. I didn’t feel as if I fit in. I don’t want her to feel like that. I never thought those feelings would resurface. I assumed since I was no longer involved in school myself that I wouldn’t feel so out of place. Waiting for her after school, it feels like I am back there also. I don’t talk to other parents. I couldn’t tell you any of the kids in her class or their parents. I am too shy to strike up a conversation. I am working on it, for me and for my kids.
My son, he is different. He is shy, but seems to have not have a problem getting out and meeting people. He goes to school and never seems phased by any feelings of anxiety related to going and fitting in. He has anxiety over other issues but not making friends and being liked. It is amazing how different children are. My youngest is shy, but she seems so ready to go to school and make friends. I try to just keep encouraging my middle child to be confident and jump in with both feet. I don’t feel that confident, but I want my children to feel that way! It is a work in progress.
